Its not all doom & gloom

Do you know what happens when you mix hapless nervous med students, an ineffective university, premature results, baseless speculation & some alcohol? I don’t know what you’ll call it but it’s a recipe for some drunken idiots, some tearful girls & epileptic fits. Officially results aren’t to be declared for another two weeks, but we know we can’t trust the university like that. They revel in the glory of “blitzkrieg” tactics. Just when one thinks results are far away, they drop the bomb!

But, we… we’re smarter than that. We believe it’s better to start trembling now than be carefree; why not just start crying in anticipation? We believe that a little last minute spirituality goes a long way, at least that way if things go wrong, we know who’s to blame. Why not just start spreading baseless rumours? Perhaps one will come true. If not, at least you’ll manage to infect a few others like you. There’s safety in numbers, right? If that isn’t enough, let’s call up the university day & night, asking those who couldn’t care less for info they may not have or be sure of. But, let’s ruin some sleep over it. My favourite bunch are those guys who act so smug, so carefree, that others shudder at their confidence! Can you really blame any of us? Is getting worked up over the most important results in five years a crime? Maybe we could use a little moderation of our collective pessimism.

It was about six days ago when I started to plan a lot of appointments this week & I got this sinking feeling that the results will be out right when I’m out somewhere, held up, not able to get out.  There’s a good kind of anxiety I can feel in my gut, results are just a part of the reason. Frankly, I thought I didn’t care when the results are out or where I am when they do. That moment will forever be etched in my memory. Decades later it'll be a part of my "I was here (or there) when that happened kids" stories. 

But, two nights back, a friend messaged starting with “Dr.…” & I was stunned for a bit. Did she know something I didn’t? Within a flash, it was minimize, new window, university website, Date of results: 28^th Feb. (Phew) All was alright, albeit for the time being. Damn, I wish they were here already, I’m being pulled over to the Dark Side. 

Today I woke up to a cloudy day, the unusual winter drizzle. It’s quite a setting for results, don’t you think? We’ll know by this evening.  I don’t really feel the need to party after, I don't feel like getting drunk, just want a good Bailey's Irish cream to celebrate with friends, take the moment in. My romance with what I do is only just beginning & I'm feeling every tiny bit of excitement that I felt when I came here 5 years ago. Now if only the university was reading this.

There's nothing gradual about goodbyes at graduation

If it weren’t for graduations, we would all pass out from wherever we’re studying with heads held high, a few handshakes exchanged & remarkably underplayed emotions. There would never be a sense of loss, maybe overshadowed by the many times we hear, “We’ll keep in touch”. It’s come to a point where that line almost clichéd. But, if it weren’t for graduations, I don’t think I would ever get a sense of closure, never understand the gravity of the need to move on.

I’m thinking as much because I was a part of my seniors’ graduation this past week; to frame it more appropriately, some of my closest friends have passed out. I knew their plans, I knew where they’re heading, what they’re about to start, how often I’d be able to see them. And yet, I don’t think anyone was as happy as I was (parents are an exception). As vain as it may sound, we work our asses off for over five years for this one day. We long for the funny square hats, the unfitting robes, to have our family & friends with us, we ache for the “degree”. We want to graduate for all the people who propelled us towards this course & pulled us through. Long gone the days when the rigors of medicine made us ache for shoulders to cry on, warm hugs & an encouraging word; just a handshake today would mean the world. We’re no longer stuck in the student’s category, we’re about to tackle the world’s first few hurdles. It may come later than the rest of the world, but this for many is their first taste at independence, learning to make difficult choices.

There’s finality to this day, it signals a change of guard, roles & objectives. This helps but doesn’t overcome how you feel about moving away from your friends. It doesn’t matter even if you live in the next building or if you will later attend the same college, there’s no substitute for seeing each other daily, sharing your victories & blaming your losses on each other; you can’t replace the feeling of getting screwed as a “cohesive unit”!

So while many will rejoin the hospital to finish their remaining days of internship, it won’t be as mundane again!

I will sorely miss you all

Speed isn't all its cracked up to be

"Medicine is the only profession where you're worrying about next year's exams without knowing the results of the past one!", this was a facebook update by a younger friend of mine in college. Sadly, its true.

It got me thinking about how there's this insatiable need for urgency in a med student's life. There's the need to be the first to apply to & finish off research, the rush to first find a guide, the need to enroll in classes, the first one to lick a professor's ass, the first to submit assignments, the need to be the first to reach class for those platinum plated front benches & last but not least, those dunderheads who check the university website every 30 seconds to be the first to announce that they haven't flunked the exams. 

To an outsider, we're running about from post to pillar like we have to take a leak really bad; funny I should draw up that comparison, since "urgency" is of prime importance in our patient's history; there's also blood and pus, but that's a whole another blog post altogether.

There's just so much wrong with this system, its hard to figure out where to start. But, I'm a med student on vacation, I can afford to take things slow. So, in the meanwhile, have a look at this awesome comic

When doing nothing just doesn't cut it anymore

Its been four and half years that I've been in this course; while time may have seemed to fly by, I know I'd rather not relive 'every' minute of it. One thing that really irks us is that there hasn't ever seen a single true vacation where we didn't need to rejoin the hospital within just a few days of exams getting over, irrespective of whether our results were out; not a single vacation where there haven't been journals to write, research to prepare, files to be submitted. 

That is, until this vacation. I'm officially at the end of the course, therefore, I don't have any submissions, have chosen not to participate in any research & since it is ethically wrong to thrust doctors who aren't yet doctors upon patients, we're blissfully banished from the hospital. Thought this would be the best "under"utilized vacation, was looking forward to the nothingness. Here's what I've been upto:

• Spent the first eight days in Kerala, had one of my best ever weeks there. 
• The next 4 days I spent recuperating from terrible sunburns
• 4 days catching up with old friends
• 3 days at the family's office
• 1 day at a post-grad training test
• Much of those days was spent in front of the TV catching up with my shows & movies
• Now, well now I'm just moping around with nothing to do

Never thought that it'd come to a point where excessively free would be impasse to my mind. So what is one supposed to do when you've exhausted all possibilities of traditional frolic & yet don't want to become a book drone yet? Has it really come down to a point where I have to organize my free time? 

Here's my first incision

This blog has been long overdue, almost a year actually since I told a friend who's an active blogger that I'll be starting soon. 

A little about me first; I'm just about to clear my final year in medicine & start internship in Bombay. My story with surgery is quite a romantic one starting almost 15 years ago when I saw a CVTS surgeon's red sports car. As clichéd as my roots sound, I've come to be enamored by this profession. Doctors are like strikers in football, we thrive on confidence; thankfully mine is quite a healthy size. For example, I honestly believe that 20 years down the line, my scalpels will spring to life & express their pride at being used by me! I suppose this explains the 'Megalomaniac' in the title.

Throughout this blog, I'll be sharing my experiences, struggles, my views on the state of medicine in society today & breaking a few myths along the way.