Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I did not need to know that!

What is it about us studying medicine that makes everyone we know want to come up to us and tell us their medical problems? Wait, let me rephrase that! 
'What is it about us studying medicine that makes everyone we know want to come up to us and tell us things we don't ever want to know?!'
It freaks me out!!

Now, as interns, we come across a lot of people everyday, narrating things that they wouldn't want anyone other than their doctors to know. They're usually secretive & hush-hush about things concerning even the upper half of their bodies. God forbid they have to utter words like penis and vagina! But, we're forced to be sensitive to their issues & speak about their problems in the same soft tones, use the same mindless lingo for their genitals & breasts & never ever ask more than 3 questions about their sex lives:

"1. Do you have sex?
2. Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
3. Any infections?
That will be all. Thank you"

We're quick and discrete during our practice, because every normal human being would be uncomfortable divulging way too much information (I'd rather not get into the details of how our entire social structure is anti-medical history cause noone wants to tell us shit anyways!). So, I have to ask again -  Why are so many people I know coming up to me and asking me these things? Because my logic tells me that they should be embarrassed outta their pants (no pun!). Maybe they're just plain dumb! You can't ask me what the side-effects of a single dose of Fluconazole are without me figuring out you've got fungal vaginitis! Don't show me medicines I do not want to know about & ask me names of diseases that aren't really code words that your doctor invented. Turns out, I know what they mean too! Or even worse, I may know how you got it! I need not know what sort of discharge you've got coming out from which orifice, how your bowel habits have been altered by which medication & please don't ask me if Ayurvedic medication can help you sexually. Give it a shot and let me know. I'm just as curious about those ads in local trains. 

Maybe it's because interns are in this twilight zone, where everyone thinks we're eager to learn, good enough to guide & yet not learned enough to deduce their dirty deeds effectively. Or maybe it's cause I happen to be around & I don't charge a penny. What's the going rate of a half-decent medical intern's consult these days?

To everyone I know: Keep it in your pants, within your head & don't let it outta your mouth. I couldn't care less!


  1. Such information can always be used as leverage when needed. and there are other uses of single dose fluconazole too.

  2. @mkk: I'm still some time away from using info for blackmail, as awesome that may sound
    But, with the fluconazole, I kinda assume it's embarrassing cause otherwise they say, "Son, what's this rash?"